“BUT FROM THERE you will seek the Lord your God , and you will find him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” Deuteronomy 4:29
How did we get here again? It was just three short years ago when we were at this exact place. It feels different. The hole is there but it does not feel as deep, as shattered. The road has been just as long but it has been paved differently. Losing a parent is hard. Losing both of your parents only a few years apart can make you feel like an orphan. Who will you call on your way home from work? Who will you share your struggles of parenting with? Who will tell you the memories of you as a child? The hole is there but it feels different.
Three years ago, March 2nd 2015 we lost our rock. We lost our mother. We lost her in a tragic car accident. Losing someone tragically cuts your heart in a way like no other. How are they here one day and gone the next? No sign, no hint. NOTHING. GONE. THEY ARE JUST GONE. Coming back from tragic loss was a battle that thankfully was won because of Jesus. The second battle begin when we found out our dad had pancreatic cancer. We found this out in July 2017. April 22 2018 he lost his battle with cancer and again we laid to rest a parent. The grieving felt different. The grieving started when he was diagnosed. We were able to walk our daddy to Heaven where he was united with Jesus and reunited with his loved ones who have past. One of those being my mother. I find peace in knowing they are together and happy. They were not always happy together but thanks to Jesus all their tears and fighting are replaced with joy and peace. Seeing my dad fight for his life right up to the last breathe he took is something that cuts your soul so deep. There was a peace that came over me as I hugged him tight as he took his last breath though. I did not get to experience this with my mother so I wanted nothing else than to be with my dad. Somehow there is beauty in the mess. God finds ways to guide you, comfort you, and let you know He is with you every step of the way. Yes there were times I questioned Him. Times where I cried wondering who would be next. He would show me that I needed to stay focused on His promises and be strong for my dad. From there He changed my heart again. From there He took my hand and helped me comfortably take care of my dad in the last days he had on this earth. From there He helped me see the good in the way we had to lose our mom. From there He gave me the strength and the grace to forgive the one who caused that awful wreck. From there He has shown me that I need to share these experiences I have been through with those who may be in the same place. He has shown me the importance, the necessity of putting Him first, seeking Him everyday in this beautiful mess we call life.
Thank you Lord Jesus for never letting go of my hand through all the seasons of life. There have been so many and the fog has been so thick at times but you are what has been visible through it all. Thank you for loving me so much. In Christ name I pray, Amen.
How did we get here again? It was just three short years ago when we were at this exact place. It feels different. The hole is there but it does not feel as deep, as shattered. The road has been just as long but it has been paved differently. Losing a parent is hard. Losing both of your parents only a few years apart can make you feel like an orphan. Who will you call on your way home from work? Who will you share your struggles of parenting with? Who will tell you the memories of you as a child? The hole is there but it feels different.
Three years ago, March 2nd 2015 we lost our rock. We lost our mother. We lost her in a tragic car accident. Losing someone tragically cuts your heart in a way like no other. How are they here one day and gone the next? No sign, no hint. NOTHING. GONE. THEY ARE JUST GONE. Coming back from tragic loss was a battle that thankfully was won because of Jesus. The second battle begin when we found out our dad had pancreatic cancer. We found this out in July 2017. April 22 2018 he lost his battle with cancer and again we laid to rest a parent. The grieving felt different. The grieving started when he was diagnosed. We were able to walk our daddy to Heaven where he was united with Jesus and reunited with his loved ones who have past. One of those being my mother. I find peace in knowing they are together and happy. They were not always happy together but thanks to Jesus all their tears and fighting are replaced with joy and peace. Seeing my dad fight for his life right up to the last breathe he took is something that cuts your soul so deep. There was a peace that came over me as I hugged him tight as he took his last breath though. I did not get to experience this with my mother so I wanted nothing else than to be with my dad. Somehow there is beauty in the mess. God finds ways to guide you, comfort you, and let you know He is with you every step of the way. Yes there were times I questioned Him. Times where I cried wondering who would be next. He would show me that I needed to stay focused on His promises and be strong for my dad. From there He changed my heart again. From there He took my hand and helped me comfortably take care of my dad in the last days he had on this earth. From there He helped me see the good in the way we had to lose our mom. From there He gave me the strength and the grace to forgive the one who caused that awful wreck. From there He has shown me that I need to share these experiences I have been through with those who may be in the same place. He has shown me the importance, the necessity of putting Him first, seeking Him everyday in this beautiful mess we call life.
Thank you Lord Jesus for never letting go of my hand through all the seasons of life. There have been so many and the fog has been so thick at times but you are what has been visible through it all. Thank you for loving me so much. In Christ name I pray, Amen.