3-1-16
Today as I lay in bed and look out the window at the beautiful sun rising, I see the fog on the ground and I thank the fog. That fog is what kept my mom from seeing what was about to end her life. At first I was so mad at the fog. I hated seeing it. Every time I saw it since March 2nd 2015, my heart sunk, my soul ached. I know she was cussing that fog that morning and I can hear her doing it. I have thought that maybe if it wasn't foggy then she could of avoided the accident. This only made me hate the fog even more. Today, I see that fog in a different way. I see that fog as God's grace. God's way of protecting her from knowing it was her last few seconds on this earth before she would be united with her Heavenly Father. God has taken this year an opened my eyes to see that HE is my rock on which I stand. Day by day, I lean on Him more and more. He has taken something so tragic and has made me see what I am here on this earth for. There are days where I am so sad and I would do anything to have her back. When I feel that way, I let my tears flow and I turn up my worship music and I give it over to Him. I know in my heart that my mother is in Heaven smiling down on us with so much joy in her heart. Joy that was lacked at times here on earth. Now she is happy, joyful, with her mother, watching over us and smiling at how God is changing us and our lives each day. I am thankful that out of this tragedy my God has built up in me a fierce desire to serve Him with everything in my being. My mother gave her all to what she was passionate about in life. She instilled that in us. I just needed God to bring it to life. I will make sure that everything I do in life will not only honor my God but will honor my mother's name. I am still seeing the ways she has changed the lives of so many. She touched their hearts in ways that will leave a lasting impression in them. I am so grateful she was my mother. I hope I can teach my daughter by actions in my life that what matters in life is loving others and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Thank you Jesus for turning beauty out of ashes.
Today as I lay in bed and look out the window at the beautiful sun rising, I see the fog on the ground and I thank the fog. That fog is what kept my mom from seeing what was about to end her life. At first I was so mad at the fog. I hated seeing it. Every time I saw it since March 2nd 2015, my heart sunk, my soul ached. I know she was cussing that fog that morning and I can hear her doing it. I have thought that maybe if it wasn't foggy then she could of avoided the accident. This only made me hate the fog even more. Today, I see that fog in a different way. I see that fog as God's grace. God's way of protecting her from knowing it was her last few seconds on this earth before she would be united with her Heavenly Father. God has taken this year an opened my eyes to see that HE is my rock on which I stand. Day by day, I lean on Him more and more. He has taken something so tragic and has made me see what I am here on this earth for. There are days where I am so sad and I would do anything to have her back. When I feel that way, I let my tears flow and I turn up my worship music and I give it over to Him. I know in my heart that my mother is in Heaven smiling down on us with so much joy in her heart. Joy that was lacked at times here on earth. Now she is happy, joyful, with her mother, watching over us and smiling at how God is changing us and our lives each day. I am thankful that out of this tragedy my God has built up in me a fierce desire to serve Him with everything in my being. My mother gave her all to what she was passionate about in life. She instilled that in us. I just needed God to bring it to life. I will make sure that everything I do in life will not only honor my God but will honor my mother's name. I am still seeing the ways she has changed the lives of so many. She touched their hearts in ways that will leave a lasting impression in them. I am so grateful she was my mother. I hope I can teach my daughter by actions in my life that what matters in life is loving others and being the hands and feet of Jesus. Thank you Jesus for turning beauty out of ashes.