I woke up and looked at the clock. It was 6:15 am on March 2nd 2019. My mind immediately goes back to this time four years ago. All I can think about is my mother driving to work on I-95 in the worst fog ever. Fifteen minutes is all the time she would have left on this earth. A tear slowly starts to trickle down my face and sadness overtakes me. As I laid there looking at my sweet two year old son that she never got to meet. She wanted a grandson after having four granddaughters:) My daughter who is five now and only knows her Nana from the pictures and memories I tell her. Most memories were of the time I cried with Nana because I longed to have a child. She did get to spend a year with her and for that I am thankful. A lot has happened in four years. Babies born, jobs changed, grandchildren graduated, sickness in our family, our dad’s passing. Four years of a lot of struggles but also four years of a lot of blessings. Four years without our mom and four years of wondering what really happened that day of her accident. This week we will hopefully get some answers with the trial scheduled March 7th. This has been an ongoing process and one we are ready to put behind us. Am I angry? If I am honest....I am. I am more angry at myself that I didn’t get a lawyer to fight for justice. I am angry because I feel like the accident and everything that has happened after has been a big secret and nobody wants anyone to know how bad they screwed up handling it. Have I forgiven? I have...well I think I have. I want to believe I have. I guess we will all know soon the outcome of it all. Will it bring back my mother? No. But it will bring to rest all the wondering, what ifs, and regrets from that day. So I will go on today knowing that I am truly thankful for Jesus Christ and His love for us. Without Him I would not have made it through these past 4 years feeling stronger in Him. I am extremely thankful that I get to see my mom again. I have come to realize over the years that life is Jesus. We need to have a deep, meaningful relationship with Him. The only thing that has come out of all of this is my relationship with Jesus has definitely strengthened. I can only pray that it has shown those who do not know Him that He is real and He is the only way to get through life.
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